Gina morphs into ranting feminist

While I was sick last week I decided it would be a great time to park it on the couch under my blanket and watch some good old daytime TV. We only get about five channels, so there's not much choice, but we do get the great cultural icon Oprah. Many, many women love Oprah; I know quite a few of them myself. They consider watching Oprah a hobby. There is no doubt she is an important woman in our society, and so every so often I think it is interesting to watch the beloved show. And I must say that once, about a year ago, it was this incredible report on an absolutely amazing woman doctor in west Africa running a clinic to help very young women who's bodies and lives had been destroyed by a very young childbirth. It was inspirational, important, and moving, and I thought, "No wonder everyone loves Oprah! This is fabulous!" But the next day, no dice. Nor the next. So I went back to watching every few months, only to be generally bored and disappointed each time. But last week took the cake.

Now, I know I am about four years behind the times in commenting on this obsession our culture has with makeover shows. I watched half of Extreme Makeover about a year ago in complete horror the entire time, unable to tear myself away from these sad people and what they were willing to do to their bodies. Oprah was not that bad, but then again, those shows are not supposedly some great advocate for empowered women like Oprah is.

Now let me first state the obvious for those of you who know me - I am no fashion queen. I like cotton, no ironing, and being able to move around naturally without worrying that my underwear is going to poke out one end or the other. I prefer to not look dumpy, but to be honest I can think of worse things. I mostly shop at thrift stores, don't wear any shoes that are a hazard to my back or ankles, and spend an average of 45 seconds fixing my hair each day.

Oprah's show consisted of two extremely thin English women finding people in shopping malls dressed, well, pretty much like me and telling them how they looked so fat and bad, and couldn't they please help them. Then, they gave them extremely high maintenance hair cuts, including coloring that they'd have to get redone every few weeks, put on so much makeup that they looked like prostitutes to me, gave them tight-fitting clothes that showed plenty of cleavage, and stuck on some really high heels. "But I love this sweater! It is my favorite, and it is so comfortable!" one woman protested. "No, no, no, this is the absolute worst. It makes your butt look so huge," they corrected her. The topper, though, is the return of the corset, that nightmare from the 1700s. Yes, ladies - it's back, and apparently the best way to deal with your bulging belly. (How about wearing some sensible clothing that doesn't showcase it and not eating so much?) This is empowerment!? This is what Oprah chooses to demonstrate to women? This is what women choose watch? They have time for this?

I can only imagine the horrors the "What Not To Wear Girls" would find in my closet. But they can only imagine the horror I would find in their makeover for me.